How to Not Have the Perfect Summer
It seems like forever ago that I celebrated the end of 2023 and welcomed 2024 with excitement and a sense of adventure. Now, FINALLY we have arrived at the end of June - and with that a start to summer. This can have a different meaning for lots of us. But whether you are wrapping up a school year, having the kids at home, or simply enjoying more time outside, summer tends to be a season that many of us look forward to. A friend of mine once told me about a book he was reading. It was by a Haitian author who had spent some years living in Montreal. In his book, this author shared that he experienced summers in Canada to be incredibly unique. After the cold months of winter, and the anticipating months of spring, he saw Canadians jump into summer with a near existential sense of excitement.
I think many of us can relate to the feeling that the author describes. That we have spent so much time waiting for the summer that we can hardly wait to let it all soak in and to fill every nook and cranny of our summer with adventure, activities, vacation, and who knows what else. And why not? We had to wait so long for this moment - aren’t we allowed to just enjoy it without a word of warning from our therapists?
Well, have you ever spent all day looking forward to something? Maybe going to an event, or an activity, or to visit with someone that you haven’t seen in a long time. I find that looking forward to something can in itself bring immense joy and that the actual event ends up flying by. Blink - and it’s gone. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is a popular type of therapy that focuses on effective regulation of emotions. One of the core principles of DBT is something called radical acceptance. According to the DBT institute, “Radical acceptance is about recognizing that some parts of life are beyond our control, and that struggling against them only leads to further suffering.” Essentially, it means that accepting the reality of our life shifts the focus away from wanting to change that reality. It allows us to recognize what is possible and realise our opportunities at control. So yes, summer is short and we live in a place in the world where we have to wait a long time for it. So maybe we end up actually being held back by those expectations that we place on ourselves to have the “perfect summer.” Instead, we could benefit from simply being in summer - a time in our lives that will come and go.
A starting point for this could be to think about what this summer break means to you. It could be that you have spent the last year at school and feeling overwhelmed and stressed with all the work on your plate. Or it could be that you have been feeling under-stimulated at a job you’ve been at forever, and that this summer is a chance to feel energised again. Whatever the case is for you, here are just a few things to try for savouring this summer:
Keeping a bullet-point journal: Journaling can be an awesome way to process your thoughts and feelings year-round. But it can also take some determination to build a regular journaling habit. To start with this summer, you could even journal in bullet point form two or three things that you did each day and what you enjoyed about it.
Do nothing at all: Allow yourself to embrace the dog days of summer. Find a spot that you love and just enjoy the time doing nothing. It can feel unusual at first, but stick with it, and you may be pleasantly surprised!
Mindful social media use: You probably know lots of people who are doing lots of cool things this summer. Remind yourself that social media is a highlight-reel and help yourself reduce the FOMO we often feel during summer, and set boundaries with social media as needed.
Whatever your summer looks like this year, I hope it is everything that you need it to be - Enjoy!
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Written by: Christopher Mertz RP
Christopher is a registered psychotherapist, and accredited music therapist (MTA). His experience in front-line mental healthcare including palliative, addictions, and homelessness work has shown him the important role that relationships play in healing. Christopher works with teens and adults in various areas and is currently accepting new clients!