Birthday Blues: The Unspoken Challenge
Birthdays are often celebrated with joy, cake, celebration and gatherings, but for some individuals, this special day can bring about unexpected feelings of sadness, grief, disappointment and anxiety. Known as birthday depression, this phenomenon can affect people of all ages and backgrounds, and it can be helpful to understand its causes and how to cope with it.
So what is Birthday Depression? Birthday depression refers to the feelings of sadness, loneliness, or anxiety that some people experience on or around their birthday. While it may seem surprising that a day typically associated with celebration could lead to such emotions, there are several factors can contribute to this phenomenon… and it’s completely normal!
Below are some common causes of Birthday Depression:
Reflection and Expectations: Birthdays often prompt individuals to reflect on their lives, achievements, and unmet goals. This introspection can lead to feelings of disappointment or anxiety about the future, and grief for what they weren’t able to acomplish. It can also be expectations towards others in how they were going to celebrate, and feeling let down and disappointed in the past by the lack of celebration and plans a loved one had.
Social Pressure: The societal expectation to celebrate birthdays in a grand manner can create pressure for yourself and those around you. Those who feel they cannot meet these expectations may experience feelings of inadequacy and grief for not having the celebration they longed for. Social media shout outs, videos of celebrations, and hearing other’s stories of how they were celebrated and treated on their birthday can bring feelings of jealousy, grief, and frustration.
Loneliness: For some, birthdays can highlight feelings of isolation, especially if they are unable to celebrate with friends or family. This can be particularly pronounced for those who have experienced loss or significant life changes. Having a traumatic experience in childhood with birthdays can also lead to feelings of loneliness, as individuals may isolate or not feel understood by others on their birthdays and feelings around their day.
Aging: As people grow older, they may grapple with the realities of aging and the passage of time, leading to existential thoughts and feelings of regret. Birthdays can also remind you that others around you are aging and getting older, such as parents and family members, which can bring feelings of grief and anxiety.
If you or someone you know experiences birthday depression, there are some strategies to help cope with these feelings:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Most importantly is validating your feelings - It’s Ok to feel sad or anxious on your birthday. Recognizing and accepting these emotions can be the first step toward addressing them.
Set Realistic Expectations: Instead of adhering to societal norms, create a birthday celebration that feels right for you! Whether it’s a quiet day at home or a small gathering with close friends, prioritize what makes you happy, and communicate how you want to spend your day with loved ones, so they are able to support you in what you want to do.
Reach Out: Don’t hesitste to talk about your feelings with trusted friends or family members. Sharing your thoughts can provide relief and support. It can also help communicate your needs and wants with others.
Engage in Self-Care: Treat yourself to activities that bring you joy, whether it’s indulging in a favorite hobby, enjoying a good book, or spending time in nature. Carve out that time for yourself leading up to your birthday, or on the day.
Consider Professional Help: If feelings of sadness persist or interfere with daily life, seeking support from a mental health professional can be beneficial. Our therapists at NMC are here to help, and offer all new clients a free consult to start.
Birthday depression is a real and often overlooked experience. Understanding its causes and implementing coping strategies, you can navigate your feelings and find ways to celebrate your birthday in a manner that feels authentic and fulfilling to you. Remember, it’s perfectly okay to prioritize your mental well-being, it’s your special day after all!
I discuss this more in our podcast Outside The Therapy Room. Minisode on Birthday Blues comes out September 30th!
Written by: Ivonne Hammoud MSW, RSW
Ivonne is the owner, and clinical therapist at New Moon Counselling. She is passionate about supporting her clients through whatever challenges come their way. Ivonne bring an enthusiastic, inovative and down to earth approach to her therapy. She works primarily with adults and couples. Not currently accepting new clients.