Language and Mental Health: Speaking Our Reality
Humans are an interesting group of creatures - for a million and one reasons. Something that truly does make us unique is our ability to communicate through language. Words help us bond in communities, express our needs, and share stories, hopes and visions. In short, language is what has helped us build the world that we live in today - for better or worse.
In his book Maps of Narrative Practice, Michael White essentially suggests that language is how we, as humans, build the reality that we live in (if you are a client of mine, you have probably heard me share this a hundred times). It’s maybe no surprise then that a language like Inuktitut has many different words for snow, while most European languages simply have one word for it. Growing up in Germany, I didn’t start to speak English until I was nearly a teenager. To this day, I find it fascinating how different my perception of things can be when I am speaking with my German or my Canadian family.
At times of difficulty we have a tendency to use words such as always, never, and other absolutes that communicate the reality that our emotions are presenting us. But we can also ask ourselves, would this be my reality if I wasn’t feeling angry, scared, or sad? How does my word choice, whether automatic or intentional, reflect my internal experiences but also communicate these to others?
Language is a relational experience aimed at bringing order to the sometimes confusing world of emotions, relationships, or abstract concepts that we face in different environments every day. So our language isn’t just for us, it’s also for the people around us. The metaphor “paint me a picture” is a beautiful example of how our word choice can impact the understanding that others have. Through our language, we have the power to be expressive and create an image for others to see. An important part of speaking is to not only think about what we are trying to convey, but also what we want others to understand.
It may feel like you are getting to the end of this post and suddenly feel some pressure to analyze every word that you might speak going forward. But please don’t just see it as pressure. This can be an invitation to understand the power that you have to be expressive, to be careful, to set boundaries, to share your innermost thoughts and feelings, and to support loved ones. Here are a few tips from different therapeutic modalities that aim at taking advantage of all the power language has to offer.
Gentle start-up from Gottman Method
This strategy is aimed at using easy-to-understand language to communicate our needs to a loved one with clarity and precision. Simply, it asks us to make two statements:
A) I feel… (be careful to put an emotion here, rather than a criticism such as I feel like you…
B) I need….
Dialectic Statements from Dialectic Behaviour Therapy
These types of statements are aimed at helping us hold multiple truths within the same reality. The understanding of dialectic statements is that multiple things can be true.
An example would be to say, I am sad because I dropped my ice cream AND I am having a great day.
Thought distancing from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
This strategy intentionally uses words that remind us that through, language, we are trying to make sense of a situation. For example, after making a mistake, we might have thoughts such as: “I’m a bad person.” Thought distancing allows us to intentionally use language to set the record straight. So the thought might be turned into: “my brain thinks I’m a bad person” or “right now, I feel like a bad person.”
Language is a complicated thing. It often feels like we have more words to choose from than we know what to do with. Other times, language falls short of what we really want to express. Ultimately, our use of language will never be perfect, but by reflecting on our choices, we can use language as a powerful tool to create the reality that feels authentic to us.
Written by: Christopher Mertz RP
Christopher is a registered psychotherapist, and accredited music therapist (MTA). His experience in front-line mental healthcare including palliative, addictions, and homelessness work has shown him the important role that relationships play in healing. Christopher works with teens and adults in various areas.